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Jul. 25th, 2007

Dear new Transformers movie...
Hello. i am in love with you.
that is all.

Love, Melanie

Dear Josh Duhamel and Shia Lebouf...
Hello. I am in love with you.
And if need be, (even if need isn't...?) i will be your damsel in distress... and will probably enjoy it far too much..

Love, Melanie

pretty much... i went to see Transformers.. and I fell in love.

nothing else to reall report.
i'm working alot, and not taking summer classes.
currently taking a few weeks off retail to work with colorguards....
that's a good time.
life is good.

now, i'd just like a gun-slinging Josh Duhamel type to sweep me off my feet. ;D lol

okay, BYE
Sometimes, I just want to be touched by someone who loves me.
Hell, someone who even likes me.
I feel like it's been so long since I've been hugged or held hands or just shared a quiet intimate moment with someone close to my heart.

Maybe that's what I miss the most.
I miss the relationship.
The quiet moments of smiles and heartfelt touch.

I just want someone to touch me and mean it.
To touch me and want to be there, in that very moment with me.

Sometimes, I feel like that's too much to ask.
Just to be hugged or have my hair rubbed while I watch a movie.
To cuddle and have someone's arms around me.
To have someone kiss my forehead.
Just to know that they enjoy my company.
That they like to spend time with me.
That they want me there.

People like to call me impatient with love.
And I agree, because I know I am.

But I also feel like touch is an intregal part of being a human being.
So that one does not shrivel up and die, because they're so out of contact with another human being who wants to touch them.
Who wants the same things.
Who seeks the same kind of relationship.

Sometimes, I just don't feel alive without that kind of touch.

It's the little things...

Jun. 19th, 2007

1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Place of Residence:
4. What makes you happy:
5. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favourite place to be:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:

1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so i can tell you what I think of you.
golfing with drew is fun.
rather, the driving range with drew is really fun.
i kind of suck pretty bad.
but i got in a couple of good hits
and that felt nice to smash some balls.

work tonight... bleh.
i don't really want to go- they'll probably put me on register...
i hate register. LOL
i just want to fold clothes and help people find flip flops.

i keep thinking maybe I should've taken a summer class or two.
i get real bored somedays.

and i could cut the grass to pass the time...
if we could find a lawn mower worth buying for $100 or less.
i think we're gonna make a trip to Lowe's soonish to look there.

The CBASE is this saturday.
hopefully i pass!

May. 14th, 2007

Well, it's finals week... dare I say, finally?

this has been a very hard, excruciatingly long and slow semester.
So, pretty much, I'm glad it's going to be over.

Basically, here's a possibly run down of my grades, since everyone else is doing it:
mus200- F/I.... we'll see after my meeting with the prof tomorrow
mus239- A
mus323- B/C
mus356- A
mus375- A
mus146- A/B
psy121- B/C

so... worse case scenario- it'll be 2.2
best case, 2.75...

So, yeah.. hopefully, I'll be able to work something out with my professor. I teach colorguard and brassline during the summer... so hopefully, I'll be able to work something out so that I can get my hours in and turn in some possible assignments. We'll see what happens.

In other news- I told you all that I would be giving up on the Shaun situation.
And so, I sent him a text message that basically said "I like you a lot, but I do not appreciate playing second fiddle to your ex. So, either like me or don't- but stop leading me on."
That was Friday.
Saturday morning, when I saw him at the band hall, he said we should get together to talk about it.
Needless to say- I haven't heard from him since.

Hmmm....SAI/PMA float trip was a BLAST.
Such good times had by all.

...I get to move into the new house June 1.
I'm so totally stoked about it, i can't even begin to tell you. haha
And soon after that, I'll be getting a puppy. (maybe....hopefully?)
And I'm SOOO excited about that too.

Hmmm, i'm real sleepy.
Okay, bye!

spread joy.

Today, my cooperating teacher mentioned that he had a couple of 8th grade trumpet players he could "make really great".
I responded "Yeah- you're trumpets have potential to be really great"
He said, "No they don't."

First of all... Teachers cannot take credit for the talent of his students-- You cannot make students great- you must, as their teacher, inspire them to work hard and practice to make themselves great. You can't force students to be good at something if they hate it, love it, or feel indifferent. Students must be encouraged to improve and become great of their own power.

Second of all... If a teacher doesn't believe their students have potential, what's the freakin' point?

my cooperating teacher says things like this all the time, and then also says things like "it's so hard to motivated kids to care."

i hope i never become so burnt out that i can't inspire my kids to try their hardest or do their best.
that i lower my standards for kids just because I don't have goals or higher standards for myself anymore.
that all i'm concerned with is producing All-State players or District 1s.

It's my goal, as a future teacher, to produce students who can properly and successfully tackle life as people who also happen to be musicians.
Who can approach life as an adventure- who approach music in the same manner.
Who can relate music to life- and use their practice and performance as an emotional outlet.
It's my goal to help produce kids who will take the dedication and focus they have in rehearsal into all other aspects of life- so they aren't just effective musicians- but effective people.

And maybe I have lofty goals- but I'm willing to have too-high goals, and maybe "fail"- but still produce good kids who are inspired in life.
Not every student will be a music major.
Not every student will love music the same way I do.
But maybe some students will.
And I'm okay with that- because every child is different, and every student needs to be inspired in a different way.

I want to inspire kids to try their hardest in music.
And in soccer.
And in math.
And in english.
And in their driving tests.

Whatever the task, I want to inspire kids to try their hardest.

I want to remind kids that when we work hard, we achieve results.
That nothing in life comes to us for free.
That we all need to love and encourage each other.

Dare I say, we need to "Spread Joy"?
i know i write about being a sappy girl and love and yadda yadda yadda on here all the time.
but sometimes, it would be nice just to have someone to fall asleep with.

i'm not currently looking for anything.
in fact, if anything did come my way- i wouldn't even know what to do with it.
no actually, it would have to jump in front of my face, screaming, for me to even notice.

I guess I'm worried because it's been a long time since I've truly liked anyone.
(all jokes about Drew aside.....he's never really counted in this department, because we all know it's never going to happen.)
I haven't had a crush, or a school-girlish infatuation...
I haven't wondered what kind of kisser a boy would be, or if he would be okay cuddling with me on the couch.
i haven't wondered "hmm... would he get along with my brothers?" or "i hope he likes puppies..."

and i'm worried about it.
I try to think back about all my dates and boyfriends in college....
and really? I haven't actually liked any of them.
none of them really made me smile when I thought of them, or giggle when I talked about them, or see fireworks when I kissed them.
(okay, the last comment about the kiss.... that's happened once. and i'm sad he's a total douche face now....moving on!)

maybe this is what growing up is.
or maybe it's not.
i don't know anymore.

all i know is that, someday, Prince Charming will come along and knock me off my feet with his wit and charm and sarcasm, and I won't know what to do with it- because I don't know how that feels anymore.

i think about this a lot.
maybe too much.
i'm scared that if it does come along... what do I do with it?
how do I handle it?
will he love all my insecurities and the fact that my hair looks terrible when I first wake up?
will he love that I have freckles on my lips and that I'm completely irrational?
will he love seeing me naked? (we ALL think about this one.)
will he care that I'm chubby or that I cry during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, or that I'm wishy-washy and passionate all at once?
will he love my family?
will he love my Jesus? (this one is exceedingly important to me, the older I get...)
will he want to go to church with me? pray with me? pray FOR me?
will he hate my cooking?

i think i think too much for this love business...
ay carumba.

I know, I know....
"once you find it- you'll know"

and as much as I'm not looking- I want to be found.
i want to be comfortable enough with someone and trust them enough to fall asleep next to them.
i want to walk hand in hand in the park.
i want to watch movies and eat sushi and go to the mall just to look at the puppies I wish I could buy.

i want all the gushy stuff.
and the older I get, the less I think it will ever happen.

do you believe some people are meant to be single for their entire lives?
and discuss.

hey you.

Hey, you.
You extremely attractive busy person.
Take a second to fill this out.
I don't care if I don't know you at all.
I want to know you.
So fill this out.
Oblige me and my procrastination habits. :)

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Mar. 7th, 2007

boo. I can't sleep.
this stinks.
i have two tests tomorrow and I keep freaking out about them.
Shaun said he'd take them for me lol...
I don' tknow where this test anxiety came from.
I wasn't like this in high school....

nothing to report.
except that i'm stoked about playing the Madsen Sonata for Juries this semester.
it's pretty killer and I'm excited.
er.... but not about finding an accompanist good enough....

right... so, I'm gonna try this sleeping thing again...
Elections are tonight.
I'm up for Music, Sergeant at Arms, and webpage....

I prepared a killer speech for my music chair.

I'm still scared though.