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Chasing Amy

Alyssa: Why are we stopping?
Holden: Because I can't take this.
Alyssa: Can't take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?
Holden: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 1st, 2007 10:18 pm (UTC)
hmm... drew giving you problems again?
Oct. 2nd, 2007 03:43 am (UTC)
he's not giving me problems-- i'm giving myself problems.. because I'm a fucking toolshed.

hell, a tool warehouse.

tool factory.
Oct. 2nd, 2007 11:33 pm (UTC)
well yes haha that is what I meant :-P

and I know he is one of your best friends... but he is SO unhealthy for you and I realize it is practically impossible to do and the last thing youd want...

but you really need to get away from him for as long as it takes
Oct. 3rd, 2007 12:19 am (UTC)
we had a talk last night.
and pretty much, it's all over.
like, we're friends.
and i knew that's how it would end, duh.
i'm not a retard, but apparently my heart is.
so, yes.
things are settled.
things are... awkward.

he's kind of an ass.
one of the main points was that I hated that he wants to date this freshman on snare line-- because she's just like me.
And he was like "you just hate it because i like her and not you"
and I was like "no, drew that's not remotely it"
so, i had to explain to him that since he wants to date Megan it makes me feel like a lower class human being-- because if she's just like me (seriously- she's my clone) and he KNOWS it and admits it, but he wants to be with her so badly.. .It's fucking weird.
He didn't get it.

i'm being a depressed emo kid.
which I knew would happen.
and he doesn't get it, because he's a boy.
but yes.

the way I look at it now, i have a year and a half before I graduate a to date 1.5 million guys and have as much fun as I can, not being so attached to him.

and really, it's glorious.
...i'm strangely excited about it.
Oct. 3rd, 2007 12:44 am (UTC)
I actually agree with him that you would be upset that he likes her and not you... what he doesnt get is it isnt just him liking someone else, it's him liking someone exactly like you. because, as a girl, if a guy is dating someone with your exact personality but doesnt want to date you... what is left as a difference? looks. and even if people don't realize it... that hurts the most. being the perfect personality and just not having the looks the person wants. because when they want someone exactly like you, but not you, you are stuck forever thinking "then why not me?!?!"

it's just like if he were dating a horrible bitch, but she's really cute. "why not me?? I am better than her in every way... except that she is absolutely gorgeous!"
guys don't get that the fact that they are shallow when it comes to girls will really hurt other people deeper than just jealousy
Jan. 17th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
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( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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