greek life is the most curious thing i've encountered since being at school.

not a moment goes by that my ogranization is not on my mind-- that i'm not thinking about how my sisters are, how their days are going... what's going on in their lives.

I always thought I would find a church and feel at home.
that because Jesus was there, and the church body was so welcoming, that it would become my second family.

but i was so very wrong.

it's not very often that girls in a greek organization tell each other how much then mean to one another.
but, in my sisterhood... we don't have to.
tonight, we went to Ziggies after we had our Senior ceremony.
all you had to do was look around the table to see and feel the love we have for each other.

sisterhood is loving the people you sometimes hate.

i'm so very blessed to have the sisters i do.


growing up, i never had sisters.
i have three older brothers.
obnoxious, smelly boys who are 5, 6, and 7 years older than me.
i never really knew how to be a girl.. or get along with girls...

and it's truly amazing, my sisterhood.


you know you're doing something right, when a new initiate (shiny, if you will) buys an active member a dessert without telling her-- leaving the waitress to say "Who's Melanie? What kind of pie would you like? It's been taken care of."
simply because the Shiny knew the active was having a rough time... because she knew the active could use some sisterly lovin.

you know there are good things happening in your chapter when your new girls have only been active for 6 days and they're automatically accepted, and willing to jump out and do something sisterly.

i nearly cried when the waitress said that to me....

because that made me extremely proud of my sisters.
my amazing, wonderful, beautiful, tremendously talented sisters....


it's been a long, hard year.
we've been through storms and heartaches and hardships.
and we're better for it.

next year... will be amazing.
it already is.

hey, everyone!

just to let you know, it's Relay for Life season...
and i'm super excited about it.

In case you don't know- Relay for Life exists to raise money for cancer awareness/research.

My team is working really hard.
We're even planning a huge poker tournament...


So, if you wanna give me money (even $5 is awesome!), here is the link to my personal site:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RelayForLifeHighPlainsDivision?px=4617262&pg=personal&fr_id=6348

i think i've decided from here on out... my journal will be Friends Only.

add me if you want to read about my daily adventures....
(or not so daily adventures....)

i'm fun.

Alyssa: Why are we stopping?
Holden: Because I can't take this.
Alyssa: Can't take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?
Holden: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

To dream that you are on a playground, indicates your desires to escape from your daily responsibilities. Consider also objects in the playground as expressing or your need to express some aspect of yourself. Perhaps you need to be more carefree or have some fun getting to know some of your talents and abilities that you have long ignored or disregarded.

In general, ghosts symbolizes aspects of yourself that you fear. This may involve a painful memory, guilt, or some repressed thoughts. You may be afraid of death and dying. Alternatively, ghosts are representative of something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates a feeling of disconnection from life and society. This dream may be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior.




innnnnnnnnteresting.

i don't usually do these anymore... but i like this one (for obvious reasons... haha)

1. Who was your favorite teacher?
in high school, my favorite teacher was Beth Jinkins.
2. Why was that teacher so special?
I love her because she talks to her students like they're people- not children. She doesn't take excuses. She has really high expectations- but they're reasonable, and she understands that "high expectations" vary from person to person. She's hilarious, and uses her humor in her lessons. Plus, she practices what she preaches. She's an incredible musician, so she can use her talents to inspire her students.
3. Do you think teachers get paid enough?
Not at all. We're some of the most important people in a child's life. Sometimes teachers spend more time with a kid than their own parents. Sometimes teachers care more than the kid's parents...
4. Do you have a favorite year of school?
Every year is a new year. I love every fall when we can come back and turn a new leaf and start again, meet brand new people- and still keep in touch with old ones.
5. If you could travel back in time and tell yourself something now that would have helped you get through school, what would you say?
Listen to your parents- they're smarter than you. Life is not as hard as you think it is- and yes, it will get harder. Stop being such a control freak, and learn how to love people the way they are.

eeeeeeeeeeee!
i'm real excited. :)

my godson was born last night at 11:38pm.
he weighed 6 pounds, 15 ounces, and was 20 inches long.
(so far, he looks a little like an alien- he's so skinny! haha)

buttttttt i got to hold him and feed him and he's the love of my life, currently.

so, here are some pictures, because i love him.
my digital camera is currently broken, so you'll have to deal with pictures from my phone.


sleeping with his mouth open... teehee


me and caden.

List seven songs you are into right now. no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your summer. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening to.

here's my 8 haha:
1. His Eye Is On The Sparrow - as performed by Lauryn Hill
2. For the Longest Time - as performed by Rockapella
3. Hey There Delilah - Plain White Tees
4. Out Tonight - RENT
5. Have You Seen My Love - Rosie Thomas
6. Wasting Time - Jack Johnson
7. I'll Do Anything - Jason Mraz
8. Sideways - Citizen Cope

I tag:
Kimmmay
lucygrey
punkin589
adele87
...and anyone else who wants to do it!

wellllll.
i got my first ever speeding ticket tonight.
i'm pretty down about it, seeing as it's my first and all...

yeah... so i guess all the money i've made from working with guards, i'll have to spend on a lawyer to fix this ticket.

ugh.
i'm so upset!
i know, it's not a big deal, i'm sure.... because everyone else in the world gets tickets, but i'm sad!

so, yeah.
my spedometer is off- i don't know by how much...
but apparently enough, because everytime i think I'm going the speed limit (or 5 over, like everyone else...) I'm apparently not?
tonight i was apparently doing 69 in a 55....
the office was totally nice to me though-- i feel like he was flirting with me a little?

i dunno- is it protocol to make the person you've pulled over sit in the cop car with you?
because that's what happened and I was slightly weirded out.
but shrug. he was kind of cute. haha

anyway.
that's my story.

tonight, i ended a period of my life.

i finished the last Harry Potter book.

and
i love it.
i laughed, i cried....

love love love love

i also love that most of my predictions for this book were true.
i really love that some of them didn't come true and I was completely surprised...

LOVES IT

Dear new Transformers movie...
Hello. i am in love with you.
that is all.

Love, Melanie


Dear Josh Duhamel and Shia Lebouf...
Hello. I am in love with you.
And if need be, (even if need isn't...?) i will be your damsel in distress... and will probably enjoy it far too much..

Love, Melanie



pretty much... i went to see Transformers.. and I fell in love.
yes.

nothing else to reall report.
i'm working alot, and not taking summer classes.
currently taking a few weeks off retail to work with colorguards....
that's a good time.
life is good.

now, i'd just like a gun-slinging Josh Duhamel type to sweep me off my feet. ;D lol


okay, BYE

Sometimes, I just want to be touched by someone who loves me.
Hell, someone who even likes me.
I feel like it's been so long since I've been hugged or held hands or just shared a quiet intimate moment with someone close to my heart.

Maybe that's what I miss the most.
I miss the relationship.
The quiet moments of smiles and heartfelt touch.

I just want someone to touch me and mean it.
To touch me and want to be there, in that very moment with me.

Sometimes, I feel like that's too much to ask.
Just to be hugged or have my hair rubbed while I watch a movie.
To cuddle and have someone's arms around me.
To have someone kiss my forehead.
Just to know that they enjoy my company.
That they like to spend time with me.
That they want me there.

People like to call me impatient with love.
And I agree, because I know I am.

But I also feel like touch is an intregal part of being a human being.
So that one does not shrivel up and die, because they're so out of contact with another human being who wants to touch them.
Who wants the same things.
Who seeks the same kind of relationship.

Sometimes, I just don't feel alive without that kind of touch.

It's the little things...

BASICS
1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Place of Residence:
4. What makes you happy:
5. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favourite place to be:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so i can tell you what I think of you.
4. POST A PICTURE OF YOU!

golfing with drew is fun.
rather, the driving range with drew is really fun.
i kind of suck pretty bad.
but i got in a couple of good hits
and that felt nice to smash some balls.

work tonight... bleh.
i don't really want to go- they'll probably put me on register...
i hate register. LOL
i just want to fold clothes and help people find flip flops.

hmmmmm.
i keep thinking maybe I should've taken a summer class or two.
i get real bored somedays.

and i could cut the grass to pass the time...
if we could find a lawn mower worth buying for $100 or less.
i think we're gonna make a trip to Lowe's soonish to look there.

anyywayyyyy
The CBASE is this saturday.
yuck.
hopefully i pass!

Well, it's finals week... dare I say, finally?

this has been a very hard, excruciatingly long and slow semester.
So, pretty much, I'm glad it's going to be over.

Basically, here's a possibly run down of my grades, since everyone else is doing it:
mus200- F/I.... we'll see after my meeting with the prof tomorrow
mus239- A
mus323- B/C
mus356- A
mus375- A
mus146- A/B
psy121- B/C

so... worse case scenario- it'll be 2.2
best case, 2.75...

So, yeah.. hopefully, I'll be able to work something out with my professor. I teach colorguard and brassline during the summer... so hopefully, I'll be able to work something out so that I can get my hours in and turn in some possible assignments. We'll see what happens.


Hmmm.
In other news- I told you all that I would be giving up on the Shaun situation.
And so, I sent him a text message that basically said "I like you a lot, but I do not appreciate playing second fiddle to your ex. So, either like me or don't- but stop leading me on."
That was Friday.
Saturday morning, when I saw him at the band hall, he said we should get together to talk about it.
Needless to say- I haven't heard from him since.

Hmmm....SAI/PMA float trip was a BLAST.
Such good times had by all.

...I get to move into the new house June 1.
I'm so totally stoked about it, i can't even begin to tell you. haha
And soon after that, I'll be getting a puppy. (maybe....hopefully?)
And I'm SOOO excited about that too.



Hmmm, i'm real sleepy.
Okay, bye!

Today, my cooperating teacher mentioned that he had a couple of 8th grade trumpet players he could "make really great".
I responded "Yeah- you're trumpets have potential to be really great"
He said, "No they don't."

First of all... Teachers cannot take credit for the talent of his students-- You cannot make students great- you must, as their teacher, inspire them to work hard and practice to make themselves great. You can't force students to be good at something if they hate it, love it, or feel indifferent. Students must be encouraged to improve and become great of their own power.

Second of all... If a teacher doesn't believe their students have potential, what's the freakin' point?



my cooperating teacher says things like this all the time, and then also says things like "it's so hard to motivated kids to care."

i hope i never become so burnt out that i can't inspire my kids to try their hardest or do their best.
that i lower my standards for kids just because I don't have goals or higher standards for myself anymore.
that all i'm concerned with is producing All-State players or District 1s.

It's my goal, as a future teacher, to produce students who can properly and successfully tackle life as people who also happen to be musicians.
Who can approach life as an adventure- who approach music in the same manner.
Who can relate music to life- and use their practice and performance as an emotional outlet.
It's my goal to help produce kids who will take the dedication and focus they have in rehearsal into all other aspects of life- so they aren't just effective musicians- but effective people.

And maybe I have lofty goals- but I'm willing to have too-high goals, and maybe "fail"- but still produce good kids who are inspired in life.
Not every student will be a music major.
Not every student will love music the same way I do.
But maybe some students will.
And I'm okay with that- because every child is different, and every student needs to be inspired in a different way.

I want to inspire kids to try their hardest in music.
And in soccer.
And in math.
And in english.
And in their driving tests.

Whatever the task, I want to inspire kids to try their hardest.

I want to remind kids that when we work hard, we achieve results.
That nothing in life comes to us for free.
That we all need to love and encourage each other.

Dare I say, we need to "Spread Joy"?

i know i write about being a sappy girl and love and yadda yadda yadda on here all the time.
but sometimes, it would be nice just to have someone to fall asleep with.


i'm not currently looking for anything.
in fact, if anything did come my way- i wouldn't even know what to do with it.
no actually, it would have to jump in front of my face, screaming, for me to even notice.

I guess I'm worried because it's been a long time since I've truly liked anyone.
(all jokes about Drew aside.....he's never really counted in this department, because we all know it's never going to happen.)
I haven't had a crush, or a school-girlish infatuation...
I haven't wondered what kind of kisser a boy would be, or if he would be okay cuddling with me on the couch.
i haven't wondered "hmm... would he get along with my brothers?" or "i hope he likes puppies..."

and i'm worried about it.
I try to think back about all my dates and boyfriends in college....
and really? I haven't actually liked any of them.
none of them really made me smile when I thought of them, or giggle when I talked about them, or see fireworks when I kissed them.
(okay, the last comment about the kiss.... that's happened once. and i'm sad he's a total douche face now....moving on!)

maybe this is what growing up is.
or maybe it's not.
i don't know anymore.

all i know is that, someday, Prince Charming will come along and knock me off my feet with his wit and charm and sarcasm, and I won't know what to do with it- because I don't know how that feels anymore.

i think about this a lot.
maybe too much.
i'm scared that if it does come along... what do I do with it?
how do I handle it?
will he love all my insecurities and the fact that my hair looks terrible when I first wake up?
will he love that I have freckles on my lips and that I'm completely irrational?
will he love seeing me naked? (we ALL think about this one.)
will he care that I'm chubby or that I cry during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, or that I'm wishy-washy and passionate all at once?
will he love my family?
will he love my Jesus? (this one is exceedingly important to me, the older I get...)
will he want to go to church with me? pray with me? pray FOR me?
will he hate my cooking?


i think i think too much for this love business...
ay carumba.


I know, I know....
"once you find it- you'll know"

and as much as I'm not looking- I want to be found.
i want to be comfortable enough with someone and trust them enough to fall asleep next to them.
i want to walk hand in hand in the park.
i want to watch movies and eat sushi and go to the mall just to look at the puppies I wish I could buy.

i want all the gushy stuff.
and the older I get, the less I think it will ever happen.



do you believe some people are meant to be single for their entire lives?
and discuss.

Hey, you.
You extremely attractive busy person.
Take a second to fill this out.
I don't care if I don't know you at all.
I want to know you.
So fill this out.
Oblige me and my procrastination habits. :)


1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

boo. I can't sleep.
this stinks.
i have two tests tomorrow and I keep freaking out about them.
Shaun said he'd take them for me lol...
I don' tknow where this test anxiety came from.
I wasn't like this in high school....

nothing to report.
except that i'm stoked about playing the Madsen Sonata for Juries this semester.
it's pretty killer and I'm excited.
er.... but not about finding an accompanist good enough....

right... so, I'm gonna try this sleeping thing again...

Elections are tonight.
I'm up for Music, Sergeant at Arms, and webpage....

I prepared a killer speech for my music chair.

I'm still scared though.